Beyond the Gray Sky

Dear Jessica,

Let's be real, yo. We didn't know each other particularly well. I remember seeing you on the mission once or twice and being very impressed with your hair. Is that weird? It was so long and dark and beautiful. I think the first time I saw you I quickly averted my eyes because I wasn't supposed to think that the sisters looked good. At the same time though, way to make being a sister look good. I'm just saying.

When you got back, Anna Ransheva told me that I should get to know you better, that we would be two peas in a lovely little pod. I was hesitant to call you because I was coming out of a period of losing faith in women, but I took her up on it and called you that one night. If I remember correctly, you were sitting on your sister's porch. We talked for three hours about all kinds of stuff. In one fell swoop, you became a light that broke through some very thick clouds, and I was so grateful for that. I don't remember exactly how, but I awkwardly asked you out on a date and you agreed. I was excited enough that I wrote about it in my journal, that this dark haired girl who actually had a great personality agreed to go out with me for a picnic lunch. We went up Rock Canyon, sat down and ate some tasty, tasty sandwiches and then walked around for a bit. We went to the mall, we went to Jamba Juice (where you picked up the book on health and opened it at random to the page on healthy sex, which was priceless), and then I took you home. I moved to Washington about 3 weeks later and that was about the end of it all. When I was trying to figure out what to do with myself that summer, whether or not to move to Washington, you were on the list of reasons to stay. I don't think I ever told you that.

The last time I saw you was at a mission reunion. I don't remember when, but I remember seeing you there. When I found out this morning you had died in so senseless and tragic a way, the floor started to melt underneath me. Driving to work was a weird, sort of ethereal experience. I got to work, and I just couldn't bring myself to talk on the phones. It didn't seem right to talk to people about money and accounts knowing that a good person just lost her life.

Jess, I didn't know you very well, yet somehow you affected me. I hung out with you one time, it couldn't have been for more than 4 hours tops, and yet I remember very clearly that you liked 311, that at the time you were working at Wal-Mart at the customer service desk, and that you actually enjoyed it because it gave you the chance to help people. I remember one moment in particular very clearly, and I have remembered it more than once in the past few years. We were driving down Freedom towards the mall, and I looked over at you. You looked back at me and smiled and that smile combined with your eyes conveyed a love and respect for me as a person. We didn't even know each other well and yet that look was one you give to someone you have known for a while and accept completely. Jess, do you realize what a gift it was to make people feel like their friendship mattered to you? As one of the countless people who you gave that gift to, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I don't know the reasons for what happened, if there were any. It's possible that a senseless accident took your life and that's the end of it, and it's also possible that a loving Heavenly Father needed you back at that exact moment. Whichever is the case, I do know that you are missed here and appreciated there. Keep the love alive, sister. Thanks for being such a bright star while you were here.

All my love,
Taylor

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