How many more years?

Last night I got a call from my little brother that got me thinking about my life that I had in Provo. Lately, Cat and I have been watching a show that takes place in New Mexico, and the terrain is very similar to that of Utah. I have been thinking a lot about my friends, and I really really miss them.

I miss the friends I had there that I had such a close connection with. This isn't to say that I don't have good friends here, because I do. It's also not to downplay having Cat here. It's really nice to have someone always there. I just miss my friends. I want to live by them again. I want to be able to drop by their places and just hang out with them. I miss that.

I miss how simple life was in Utah before I left. I went to work, I came home from work, I had fun with my friends, I went to sleep, I did it all over again. I look forward to finishing my degree (soon enough) so that I can go back to just having a job. Granted, I'll have a family which will change the experience, but school is a huge source of stress for me. I like learning, but I don't like freaking out about it, and I never ever did well in school until the last 2 years. That's 2 years of good school work compared with 15 years of being terrible at it. It's almost like I'm waiting for the bottom to drop out and to start really sucking at it again. That thought terrifies me.

Strangely enough, I miss Utah. I think about the Utah summers and my heart yearns to be in that time and place. Summer in Utah is really a beautiful thing. Even just writing this makes me feel this powerful homesickness that I haven't really felt since the mission. That's a weird thing to admit. I miss the desert and I miss the Utah landscape.

I miss being in a band. I miss playing the musics.

I've never considered myself a particularly nostalgic person, but I've learned in the last year or so that I am a really nostalgic person. It almost seems like I never felt nostalgia because I was moving to better and better situations in life before now. Now, to be clear, Seattle is a wonderful place. It certainly is the most beautiful city I've ever lived in, and Cat and I constantly comment to one another that this city has ruined us in terms of pretty cities. I will go on record and say that I don't think a prettier city exists, at least anywhere that I've ever been. It just doesn't really compare to the people that made the last chapter of my life so beautiful. At least, not yet it doesn't. I can only imagine what I'll be saying when the time to leave Seattle comes.

Oh, my brain. You so crazy.